Fadetoblack. !

2006-09-29T23:03:00.000+08:00

I'm scared.

When I think I'm going to fail math, chinese, history, physics and life science. And let me tell you, it's a real possibility. And when I think of it I just break down. Because the rest of my life is at stake, and I can't keep my mind off that. I get horrible results, my parents will refuse to sign my report book, my mom will probably send me off to boot camp. I can't take this.

I don't think I'll be able to make it through this week. Next week, I mean. Just the thought of my whole life balancing on a few pieces of paper I need to write on in one week. I can't do this.

Hell, at this rate, I'll be happy to get into a Poly.

I keep praying, but it doesn't work. It's never worked anyway.
& she said, you don't know me, you don't even care.
I just wish I could restart this year. Maybe even restart my life. (Or the opposite.)
I just get this feeling that I'm in this alone, but once I don't succeed everything will go against me. I wish someone could help me.

Why am I going through this? Why am I alone? Why must it always end like this?

2006-09-28T18:29:00.000+08:00

I'm almost finishing Geography, I've got thirty pages more! (:
And History... I've got 4 chapters left, and that GIANT chapter 9. Garr.

So I'm back blogging and I've just realised how disgusting this skin is [the flowery one]. So no fear -- I shall change the skin. Now. I'll start on one now. So toodles!

(Can't wait for the EOYs to poof away.)

2006-09-27T19:48:00.000+08:00

I've studied for two of my four planned hours today, and I've only just finished History chapter 5. Which makes me wonder how freaky people like Julia can do two chapters in 1 and a half hours. And I even tried to speed-study. But I slacked for like twenty minutes because I went to the toilet to poo. (: And I just stayed there for a long time.

Anyway.

Today's podcasting was truly horrid. Again I got irritated at the noise level, sigh, typical me. So I was a bit irritable. And my Mac had just so many problems. But I learnt how to change the background pic by myself, and omg it was SO fun watching it change every 5 seconds. So cool, too.

And whoa. One of my quite-recent skins has made Skin of the Day at Blogskins.com! I'm quite pleasantly surprised and I only just noticed, like, yesterday, though it was the 24th of September's SOTD. And the number of downloads just shot up from 30+ during recess to 101 now.

Shocking.

Hahaha. Oh and good news for Sandra and Jiani! I finally cut my fingernails, yay. A few weeks ago I tried to cut them but I literally broke the nailclipper. The lever-thingy you press down? Yeah, it snapped clean off. So either I've got nice strong Mr. Incredible nails or the clipper has the same mass of a tissue paper. (:

And today Cara and I talked about work. Not schoolwork, but WORK WORK. Heh. And we're planning to work together! And we had quite a few laughs imagining ourselves working as waitresses at the American Club. But I bet it's gotta be fun. And not to mention the money -- I'd dave up for my beloved camera, Zen Microphoto and MacBook. Oh yeah update about the Zen Microphoto idea! Cara says it's really nice so... yay. And it's kind of cheap, too, like 300+? Which I can earn after about a month of work. I've decided to get the white. Because if I get green then it's like, it won't match the blue button-light-thingies and what if the background pic doesn't match the green? Haha so yeah. I'm getting the white. (:

Maybe it's not killing me so much to know how many things I really want. Because it's like... do I REALLY want a new wallet? No. New schoolbag? No. New pencilcase? No. New jeans? Yes, and my mom's getting them for me already. The camera, mp3 player and the MacBook? Yes. I'll work for myself.

And so after all that I've kind of calmed down. Heh.

Oh and anyway! Cara found this totally cute song called Swords, Dragons and Diet Coke, which I find is hilarious. So I'm probably going to make a skin on that... in the long run. Maybe.
Okay. Maybe not.

(I hate the scab in my ear, eww-ouch.)

2006-09-26T21:46:00.000+08:00

I can't wait for the EOYs to be over. And I still cannot, for the life of me, understand why I have to be born in October.

Did I spell October correctly? Ahhh. See, my mind's screwed up now. Because I'm trying to force a bit of knowledge into my rotting brain cells. Not good for my health okay.

Garr, today's History test is an almost-definite FAIL. I can tell. Because I didn't finish the hypothetical question. And I hate Annie now. She made me do badly for History!

So I'm being quite random now. Who cares?

And I can't wait to plan that thing with Cara Max and Ting, the one where we book a hotel room and shop at Chinatown. I've been wanting to go to Chinatown for ages (omg, surprise right, I'm so anti-Chinese and here I am wanting to go to Chinatown.) to look at cheongsams. Hee. And I'm thinking of buying a cheongsam too! To wear for Chinese New Year next year (: Oh, my aunts will be SO proud of me. Actually all they can say to me is "Oh my God, you're getting taller" which is a good thing, though not the "God" part, and "are you sure you're not in long jump? Your legs are soooo long!" Then they'll start talking in Hokkien, I think, about how skinny I am and how fat they are and pointing at my legs and their legs and comparing my height with their height (I'm taller than them). Which is all the attention I get, anyway. Other than that they don't talk much to me because I can't speak Hokkien.

I know a bit of Teochew though. I think it's called Teochew. I'm not sure.

I wish I could study in Australia, I find it so cool that there's winter and summer the opposite way around and I just totally LOVE the idea of a Summer CCA and a Winter CCA. I mean how cool is that? If there is, I would take something like... Rhythmic Gym and Ice Hockey. Hey~~, it'd be cool to learn ice hockey! Yay. So fun. But the thing is, I can't ice-skate. I can only Hockey. Hahaha. On-purpose-broken-English.

On a different topic, though. I think I'm getting insomnia. For the past three nights I've been very restless and I don't even know if I actually slept late night. It's a funny feeling.

Oh, yeah. I suddenly remembered I was talking about what I'm going to do after (argh!) EOY's. I might earn my camera at last. And I've just realised that no matter how much I crave for an iPod I shouldn't get one because I won't be able to download music for free. I'll need CDs and all that. Which is quite... difficult. Heh. But anyway - Creative players aren't that bad. It's just the one I have that's quite bad. Zen Neeon, all style, no substance. Blah. *a few minutes of searching* OMG. I have found Zen Neeon 2! It's a quite-late model, funny how I haven't heard of it. It's still lousy though, the scrolling button especially. I shan't yearn for it. *searches for ten more minutes* Okay, I've found what I want. Either a Zen Microphoto or a Zen Vision: M. *compares* Okay, I've set my sights on the Microphoto. (: And the TravelDock Zen Micro speaker cum charger. Why must I be so greedy?!

Garr, Cara's getting an iPod Nano. I shall not be jealous. I shall not be jealous.
Heyy~~~, I just had a brill idea which is very greedy and will probably backfire anyway. I actually thought of asking Cara Neo to GIVE ME her Zen. Omg, I feel so lame. Like I bet it'll just be passed on to her brother or sister or something. Oh wells.

Looks like I've gotta work for it, together with the camera. Camera first, at any rate. I do hope my dad buys it for me at the end of this year, it does really save a lot of my time.

Anyway, it's getting quite late. Maybe I should try to see if I really do have insomnia. (: Well, toodles. With a heavy heart, knowing that the exam's next week, I'm slacking, and I can't get what I want.

I love life.

2006-09-23T23:48:00.000+08:00

a long time ago,
we used to be friends but i
haven't thought of you lately.

2006-09-23T00:18:00.000+08:00

It all started with a banana.

It sounds comical but it's not.

My mother was born to destroy.
She comes back from her little "afternoon party" and it turns out that Darling Alex has eaten a bloody banana already but I haven't. Notice the lack of the word "Darling" next to "I". So I say wait, after this game, I just started and she's like, "Just started? How long have you been playing already?"

Which really made something inside me just explode. Why is it that everybody just assumes I'm playing the whole day long? You think I have it easy? Doesn't it occur to you that it's just an act? Possibly?

On my way to the kitchen Darling Alex stops me and asks me to get a banana for him, too. Great, so he's happily eating two when I'm almost puking over one. And my mom's all, "Oh, Alex, good boy, took two bananas!" And in my mind all I'm thinking, "Fcuk you, stupid ass. How dense are you?"

So I'm really very incensed and I go back on the com. My dad comes home a few minutes later and he asks what I'm so broody about. I really want to tell him? But my brother's in the same room as me and I know it would be suicide to say anything against him. So I just told my dad that it was eating the banana that was ticking me off. I could actually feel something in me seething.

One day I just might snap. Do you know how it feels like to be the unpampered child? Obviously my mom just wants me to be a female replica of my freak brother, which is impossible. And I can't stand it. I rant about this sometimes, but this time I can't stand it so much I'm going to record it in this post.

And then I feel very very depressed because I couldn't tell my dad the truth and gawd, I've got a spinal check tomorrow morning. my spine is ruining my life.

I'm going to fail my exams bigtime and my mother will hate me forever and send me to the stupid Adam Khoo camp, god, she's ruining my life. I won't have a future and I'll stay back in Secondary 2. I can't stand this anymore, really I can't. I could die of this madness.

I think I'm being stupid everytime I cry like this. It doesn't make anything better and all I do is increase the risk of soaking the keyboard. After all, when i laugh the whole world laughs with me. when i cry i cry alone. Why can't I just have a normal life? A life where I can be genuinely happy?

My scissors isn't sharp enough. Rusted because of my tears? Maybe.

2006-09-22T23:10:00.000+08:00

Okay, I've said this probably more than a hundred times but... new skin.

And NO, there is no more tagboard. Number One because rarely anybody tags and Number Two I've suddenly realised that... most people who DON'T tag *coughSARAHcough* are the ones who read. I mean, it's like, argh. Nevermind. If you really want to read then I shan't FORCE you to tag.

The main purpose of a blog is lost in all its fanciness.
Yeesh, progress.

You probably don't know what I'm talking about. Honestly, I don't, either.

Oh, which reminds me. I'm supposed to be working now. But oh wells. I've already done, um, an hour. *Sigh* I've finally finished Chapter 3 of History. Yes, laugh all you want. And I haven't officially started on Geog yet, either.

Laugh harder. I've decided um not to care? I mean like duh, not to not care about my exams but not to care about how far behind I am. Okay, I'm not making any sense.

I'm really bored now because there's something wrong with Maple. Oh well. Not that I care, but it really DOES make me very, very bored.

Sigh. I should go eat some cookies! Yay. Even though it's quite late already. My metabolism is probably still going strong (hell, I'm ready to bet it gets stronger when I sleep) so no fear. (:

Omg. What if one day I wake up and realise how fat I've become? Ew, gross. I mean, seriously. I obviously have never felt what it feels like to be fat (not that I want to) and I'm figuring it's kind of gross and I'll feel slow and un-nimble. Maybe. Gosh, my thoughts are so depressing.

I had a funny dream last night. I can't really remember it, but I remember it had a funny feel to it. Almost sepia mood but it had that slight I-like-a-guy sort of feeling. And it's seriously puzzling me? Because I don't really think I like that guy. Maybe.

OKAY CHANGE OF SUBJECT!

I really hope I can do well in the exams. I'm really trying to push myself (yeah, snicker all you want, I'm feeling guilty now) to really go and STUDY now but I can't. My brain switches off, like, after 9? I know, bad for the working world. Sigh.

I'm missing something. I don't mean this in an emo way. It's just that... I kind of wanted that but I got this instead, and I don't think I like it very much. As in, I feel very, very, VERY left out. If only _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. Maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe I should change. But it's too late, it's going and quite likely gone.

Anyway, this post shall end suddenly, violently and abruptly. NOW. Because I'm still looking for songs to put on my Playlist! (: Which, in case you didn't know, replaces the tagboard link.

Tata.

2006-09-20T19:25:00.000+08:00

I HAVE FINALLY MADE A BLOGSKIN WORTH SUBMITTING!
And so I have. (: Crash Collision is its name. Yay. And I guess I'll make another skin AFTER the exams to replace this crappy ten-minute one. Eeee. Just looking at it makes me half sick. Or maybe three-quarters sick.

Today was like the funnest? No actually it was a GOOD day, because math test went really well and because I didn't hate the Peranakan food. In fact I actually loved it, until Cara dropped an ice cube into the fish curry. Phooey. But I read The Sick Fanfic again and my mood went to the max. And I felt so happy! I mean not that Sick Stuff powers me, but it's so freaking funny I can't help but go EW and start giggling. Giggling! Avril, giggle. Somehow that doesn't really go together.

And I notice I'm still skimming the "neat and fresh" look sort of blogskin. I should go deeper, like Cara's skin. But even deeper, because Cara's skin is monotone and now when I look at it it's actually kind of ugly. To me. (Shhh! Don't tell Cara)

Physics test tomorrow, and as usual I'm slacking. I've only done two hours of studying today instead of the planned four! Like sheeet. I REALLY don't want to lag behind. And the two hours was spent on Physics. Geesh. I mean, it was really for History or Geog or something. But nowadays it's dedicated to a subject that has a test coming or math, which I'm still struggling to (but WILL) finish.

I can't stand it. In three weeks, the exams will be over. This time next month, I'll be SLACKING. I try not to think about it, but I can't. It's too irresistible (sp?). For me, anyway. GRARGH! This is killing me. To know that all this suffering will end soon. SOON. SOON.

...Sob. [this is the part where you're supposed to comfort me]

2006-09-17T21:21:00.000+08:00

Second part of my fanfic!! ^^
As you can see, that was a very very short hiatus. Oh well. From Logan's POV, so he's mildly vulgar (:

Maybe it was a bad thing to talk to the girl.

I sigh and throw her a look across the dingy room and wonder if she'll freak out at the thought of me renting a room just for her. Maybe I should just leave her be and go back to the mansion.

But I can't leave her, not when she's like that. I want to take her to the mansion, get some help for her. Thing is, she needs to bloody wake up so I can ask her if she wants to go.

Just great.

***

Two days, one hour and twenty hellish minutes. I'm sitting on this godforsaken floor. And the kid's still asleep. I can't get to sleep, either. For some reason the kid would start screaming then the next moment, the lamp-shade's on fire. Why did I have to do this? I look up from the dirt-caked floor and consider her for the millionth time, then I make up my mind. Standing up, I haul her off the bloody bed and I carry her to the bike. Hell, if she falls off the bike, I'm so dead. Then I make up my mind. I can't take this anymore. And the thought of riding all the way back with this kid unconscious on my bike makes me feel uneasy.

So I find a payphone and call the mansion, something I swore myself not to do. Cherry on the cake: Summers picks up and makes his usual comments upon hearing my voice. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BIKE?!" He yells into the receiver.

I ignore him as usual and tell him the problem I have with the girl, which makes him sneer. "So Wolvie can't rescue a little girl by himself. Right, I'm coming down. Where the hell are you, anyway?"

"Somewhere outside - " I begin, but his irritatingly righteous voice cuts me off.

"Oh. Outside a pub. Nothing new. Near the city?"

"No."

Summers curses and hangs up, but I know he'll be coming anyway. I draw a cigar and lean on a lamp post, lighting it and inhaling deeply, looking at the kid by the bike, still knocked out, leaning against the front wheel. Freida.

***

It's half a day later and Summers finally decides to show up in one of his pretty showcars. This time it's blue.

"Just how long did it take you to choose the goddamn car before coming?" I growl, throwing my eleventh cigar to the ground irritably.

"Hello to you, too," Summers says bitterly, and I wonder if he rolled his eyes behind those glasses.

"She's by the bike," I say helpfully, getting into the driver's seat of the car and messaging my temples. I'm exhausted.

"Logan, get out. Who's going to bring my bike back?" Summers whines.

"You?" I ask, and I see a glimmer of hope.

"GET OUT." Summers makes a move to remove his glasses. I admit, I don't want to be blown to Russia by him, so I rise grudgingly as he settles the girl into the passenger seat. "I'll see you at the mansion," he says, hops into the seat, and speeds off. Nice.

Cursing, I mount the bike and follow the cloud of dirt ahead of me, now slowly disappearing.

I should have stolen his car.

2006-09-17T01:51:00.000+08:00

A little something I wrote before going to sleep. I took about ten minutes, no biggie. It was the only thing I had time for, anyway. And it's a sort of X-Men fanfiction! Which I love, lots. (: So here it is, and DON'T LAUGH LAR. I'm just trying to have some fun. I got the first name and the last name off a website and the middle name was, of course, my own creation. Yay.

My name is Freida Lee Rodriguez. Call me Lee.

I live on the streets, just like any other mutant runaway. Running from the world, from our lives, from ourselves. Looking for answers without any questions.

I walk into the bar, away from the screaming storm outside. It's cold, and I'm shivering. I ignore the usual stares from other people and order a Coke. Not the typical kind of drink you order at a bar, but I'm not legal.

Not legal. Does that mean I'm illegal?

I dig out some coins from my trenchcoat pocket and slam it on the counter, then gulp down the ice-cold drink quickly.

A cloud of smoke chokes me suddenly, and I spit my drink out unintentionally and flick my drenched hair to glare at the man beside me. He raises his eyebrows at me in return.

"It ain't normal to see a kid stroll into this sorta place, kid." He takes a long swig at his drink.

I can't blame him for saying that. Plus, my clothes are somewhat suggestive, though I didn't have much choice. Black halter top, long vynl trenchcoat. I probably look like the Matrix gone wrong.

I ignore the man and continue drinking, trying to avoid inhaling the blue smog surrounding me.

"You're a buck short, freak," the bartender growls. "Pay up or get out."

Sometimes I wonder how people know I'm a mutant. Then I remember my golden, hawklike eyes. And I sigh.

Rolling my eyes, I begin to leave.

"It's on me, Joe," the man beside me growls back. "And watch your language." The bartender seems to cower.

"Thanks," I mutter, and I settle down again. Then I pause, sip at my drink and ask the question. "So you're a mutant, too?" Did that sound too hopeful? I hope not.

The man snorts, expelling even more smoke in my face. I draw back a little. "Obvious, isn't it?"

Silence. I sipped at my Coke again, feeling like a total fool, as always.

"what's your name, kid?"

I eye the man suspiciously. It's difficult for me to see the good in people. I don't trust very easily. My hand grips my glass tightly as fear grips me suddenly, but I answer his question anyway. "Lee."

"Lee got a surname?"

Now this man asks too many questions. But I have to answer them, I don't want to be beaten up by him. "Freida Lee Rodriguez," I say. To be polite, I ask him, too. "What's yours?"

The man pauses and takes a long pull at his cigar. "Wolverine."

I restrain myself from laughing. "That's not a name."

He gives a hollow laugh. "You really remind me of someone I know." He sighs. "Logan."

"Logan got a surname?"

Logan eyes me and probably comes to a conclusion that I'm not much of a threat to him anyway. "No."

I ponder over this, then I decide to leave it be. I'm not going to rake up his past and sentence myself to any sad sob life story.

My mind swirls suddenly and I gasp and drop my glass. It shatters on the floor. More eyes stare at me. "You okay?" Logan asks.

"Yes, I mean... yeah, I'm fine," I gasp, blinking wildly. Another side-effect of my growing mutation. Maybe it's just asthma or something, because I start breathing really fast like I can't get any oxygen from the air and all I'm taking in is the horrible stench of cigarette smoke. I must have wanted to go outside, because I stood up suddenly. Then I faint.

2006-09-13T16:31:00.000+08:00

My three major wants. Most wanted: Camera. Second: MacBook, Third: iPod Nano (Yes, it's a new version, scream!

I am SO going to look for a job next year. Then I'll earn money for these. (:
I lovelovelove Macs now! Well mainly because of the design and GarageBand. Which rocks much, actually. To think I said that I hated podcasting. I feel so hypocritey.
Jaime's missing podcasting, nyeh nyeh! Hahaha no lah. Sorry you're missing it. It's fun, anyway. And I think someone's podcasting stuff for you, so be happy about it.

2006-09-12T20:51:00.000+08:00

I am half-satisfied with the class photos. Because two out of four are nice (: Lol.
I miss Jae. I'm kind of still mad at nobody in particular because I didn't know she was going. Grr. But I'm even madder about ISO. What's more, it doesn't look like ANYBODY from my ISO group is going to come online, so I'll redo the powerpoint by myself, again. You know what happened? After I made like more than 20 slides neat and pretty-ish, Sarah comes along and replaces 95 percent of it with the old, obiang, ugly slides. I say obiang because there are just too many colours. First there's a slide with a multicoloured background, then an ugly black-background slide with bright blue and orange, then a quite-okay slide which is white. Seriously? I think white is the best colour for a background.

Not that I'm critisising Sarah or anything, of course. But naturally if you spend more than two hours trying to make things neat it's not nice when someone comes along and messes everything up again. I kept the information the same, didn't I? I only changed the colours and added pictures. Conceptual pictures.

It's funny how nobody can appreciate conceptual photography.

Anyway. I'm having serious problems with geography. And I have a feeling I have to try my best at this since I suppose Mrs Lim is very mad at me for not doing my work.

Now I'm actually wondering if Sarah really isn't coming online. SIGH.

2006-09-09T15:24:00.000+08:00

This shall be an annoyingly short post again. Don't ask why.

And the other annoying thing is, I don't know what to write. SIGH.
And thanks for all those lovely tags, I'll try to tag you back when I have time LAH, be patient~!
Oh and I've just discovered how astonishingly refreshing a lime soda can be! I've got a can chilling in the fridge now.

2006-09-05T00:25:00.000+08:00

Hopefully I can make this a long post.
Okay, so I'll start with what happened today. SIGH, today. Today was an extremely long day, for me at least. First I wake up at like 8.45am, bathe change eat pack bag, then go to school for the Ece Racer thing. (Sigh) And we listed the things we had to buy and went to BTP to buy them. Then when we started on the model GUESS WHO didn't want to do it and wanted to do ISO instead? Well, I'm not going to tell you, of course. Well, she is obviously SO caught up with ISO that she doesn't think of anything else. I think. Also, she spend like ALL her life talking about ISO which actually is obvious, now that my other group member has mentioned it. And that's just freaky, isn't it?

I mean... to get obsessed with work. Well, my brother is though. Sort of. Lol, he even ADMITS to being a workaholic. So true.

On a different topic now. My right leg hurts, sort of like the BONE of my leg, because of *sigh* tennis. Oh and my swing really was getting better! Is it even called a swing? I must be mixing it up with golf. Anyway, I managed to hit a ball into the canal. Yes, the gigantic humungous (sp?) waterlogged bog of a LONGKANG. Hooray. And I was christened Chopstick by Bob the tennis coach. Omg cute name, Bob! Lol but Bob's an old man. Yeah, lol again.

Oh and after that Max Mark and I went to the cafeteria to get a drink, and Max bought some truly disgusting drink which was supposed to be watermelon juice/smoothie. Supposed to. I shall not elaborate further - you know the mere thought of watermelon makes me want to hurl.

Oh and... what? I forgot. Oh I'm freezing. Brrr. Lol! Because my aircon is on. Maybe that's the thing that's killing my leg bone.

Oh and according to my dentist (the same one as Jiani's!!!) "we" shall see on the next appointment whether there's any gaps in my teeth and blah and whether it's centered and all that and if I'm happy with it I can remove it! Like ohmygosh, YAY. You probably don't know how much I hate braces, unless you've experienced REAL pain after a braces-tightening.

I can't wait to get this freak of metal off my teeth.

2006-09-04T20:48:00.000+08:00

I don't have much time to post again. Just letting you know that I'm sort of banned until tomorrow? Yeah. Anyway... The link below is nothing. Just testing my links (:

http://google.com

Yay okay! Now I'm going to play Worms with my brother. (Yes, funnily enough, that IS allowed.)

2006-09-03T14:53:00.000+08:00

I haven't much time to post now - but just fyi.
Click on ANY of the three hearts near the words "Embrace Eternity" for the tagboard!

I shall add tiny pictures in the empty space once I've more time. Bye!

2006-08-31T21:37:00.000+08:00

wake up the dawn and ask her why
a dreamer dreams she never dies
wipe that tear away now from your eye.

I haven't been updating very diligently, have I?

ANYWAY.

Cantabile! It was so totally... I don't know. It wasn't exactly fun, though. All screeeeechy and weird. And let's face the truth: Claire looked like a female Jedi in her choir outfit, so cool! Like omg Jedi. And I saw so many of my old choir friends performing and the others were in the audience. And the weird thing is that I couldn't remember some of their names.

No, they were never in the same class as me. But still! I used to pride myself in knowing everybody's name whether they know mine or not, courtesy to those silly name tags they made us wear since Primary 1. But we all stopped wearing those name tags by Primary 3. But I had almost everybody's names remembered already.

So today's the last day of the school term and I'm feeling uber slackered because I played Maple Story for the whole afternoon and grew from level 17 to 19. Eeeek.

No, I'm not addicted to that silly retarded game. But maybe if you sit around my house and have a look around, there's nothing much I can do anyway. I'm bored of Neopets, sort of, but I still play. I just don't earn any more money other than through the stock market, heh.

Let's talk about something weirdly depressing and exciting.

Have you ever thought of what would happen after you died?
I'm sure you have. But it's a weird feeling to think of it, isn't it. It's like... I can't imagine not feeling anymore. Not thinking, not seeing, not nothing. It's like I'll be there, but I'll be... dead. There really is no other word for it.

I wish I could become a ghost! Then I could haunt people, hahahahaha. Come to think about it it'll be quite cool. I'd most likely haunt someone bad, like... like... like... I don't know. People who break the law. Lolness! A ghost superhero. How original.

I'm having the totally weird, freaky sort of feeling where my chest is sort of VERY empty and I feel breathless. I shall not elaborate because I think I already have in a previous post. But let's not dwell and ponder on how forgetful I really am.

Avril to the rescue!

2006-08-28T19:02:00.000+08:00

I really hope I'm allowed to go and watch the choir concert thingy - Cantabile, it's called? I don't know.
My mom seems okay with it, but she says ask my dad, who has currently literally disappeared. No-where to be found. Hmmm.

Tennis today rocked as usual, not counting the number of times I mis-hit or just missed the ball. Phooey. I could get better at this.

Oh well, dinner time. Sorry for the too-short post. But I really had to post, I guess.

I think I'm starting to get addicted to unknown bands that seem to be known only in America. Mae's not bad (: But I don't remember any of the songs. I just know it's not bad because I heard a snippet of it on a blog, haha.

wish i could do ballet. hope i start next year?

2006-08-28T11:20:00.000+08:00

As you ALL know, I'm currently extremely pissed at The Arrogant Toot.

Psssshhh. Look who you're calling arrogant.

Anyway, I'm in the school comp lab now! And it's like, yeah, hurray. I just hope English won't be THAT much of a bore. Or I'd seriously fall asleep.

Now I'm wondering if I should eat lunch or not. I mean, HEY, pardon me for showing a symptom of anorexia but if you know my situation I'm sure you'd empathise. The canteen food really, truly sucks. I mean, it's nice, of course, but... I've eaten too much of it at one go and all that so... yeah.

OHMYGOSH I could actually bus down to Orchard Road to shop for some Futuristic accessories today after school before tennis! (Wow that was a long sentence.) And I guess it'll be kind of loser because I'd, like, be ALL BY MYSELF and all that. Pheee. I'll go tomorrow lah. To FEP or something.

And I know I won't be looking futuristic, okay? Just that I HAVE to wear something.

2006-08-26T21:51:00.000+08:00

Today was just RADD.

Maybe that's an understatement.

Summary: Chicken Rice Lunch, Model, Sze Wing, Coke, Chips, Model, Tea Break, Curry Puff, Gossip, Gossip, Gossip, Model, Dinner, Gossip, Chat, MONOPOLY.

I can't remember the last time I played Monopoly, seriously. Actually I forgot all the rules. But it was downright fun, I was making everybody stressed out by snatching their Chance and Community Chest cards to read and screaming stuff like HAHA YOU'RE IN JAIL or PAY UP or ROLL THE DICE or NIC STOP STEALING THE DICE or I BUY or GIMME MY MONEY. You should have been there, there was once part where we just started laughing after being SO SO stressed out but it was suuper fun and we just CONTINUED to be stressed out, just for fun.

And I'm thinking, we have to do this again. Okay, so maybe I'm doing the whole self-inviting thing, but seriously, we just BONDED like putty (those sticky shapeless forms) today and it just SO totally rocked. And then sharing The Big Fat Secret was toooooo fun. I mean, yeah, we got serious and all, but the whole talking-about-it thing really was a blast. And we were talking about it when I was (still) eating curry puff so I kept blowing flakes out of my mouth. PHEW~~~! Lol and when I finally got frustrated with it I sort of yelled STOP COMING OUT and Sarah was like - I've been observing that for quite awhile now.

And the sudden depressing part was when we started talking about the Sepia Mood but it totally vanished when we went to Sarah's room, spotted the Monopoly board and skipped joyfully back to the dining/living room.

And one particular part of our model could really be framed up, ain't that right Sarah, Nic, Sze?

I totally truly loved today and the bridge between us and Sze is PERMANENTLY reduced to nothing. Which means there is no bridge! It's reclaimed land, HAHAHA. Sorry I'm still feeling hyper from all the stressful Monopoly-playing.

And I ate 3 slices of Canadian Pizza. Bah, I could have had more?! But I ate too slow.

I do hope we get to do something like this again after the exams. It's just too fun.

'cause all of the stars
have faded away
try not to worry, you'll see them someday

NO MORE SADNESS.

I ♥ SARAH NIC SZE! (We should come up with a one-syllable nickname for Sarah. For my convenience.)

2006-08-25T22:29:00.000+08:00

And so I'm Blogging again, huzzah.

Well today WAS quite an episode. Actually, I take that back, it sounds a trifle insensitive. Today was a bad, bad, mean day. And some teacher really made me cry during Values Ed today.

Psshh. Not as if she taught me some cool value or something anyway, lol. She was pissed because I had a Chinese test and couldn't go for synchro. Um, like, so? You don't think I try hard enough anyway. And the emotional grilling has got to stop, or I'll start hating you a LOT now. Not like I was so happy to take a Chinese test, you know. Freak, you know I like to go for synchro.

Now you made me cry.

Do you know how degrading it feels like not to get an award when I'm way obviously better than someone else who got it? Yeah, that someone can't keep her head above the water for two minutes. I mean, I know a lot of people can't, but in synchro keeping your head above the water is essential.

And I was really peeeeeeeed at another person who, well, just didn't do what anybody would have liked her to do. And I kind of hated that, and I was truly mad at her and I'm just sick of the way she talks right now, when she thinks she's right (when she's not). And by the way this person is not Nat.

Speaking of Nat. (Hey, I'm not going to start the insulting again!) I'm just wondering if I've been too... I don't know. Biased? Do you put it that way? And looking back (yeah, for hours now) I'm actually wondering why I don't like her. Yeah, I admit it. I don't like Nat. But I think more of my problem than hers. Or maybe it's the both of us. Either way I can't tell. The way I see it, I'm not exactly her best friend, either. (Like duh!) But maybe after this day I'm feeling sorry for her. Not because anybody's forcing me to... but I don't know. Maybe the whole class has been too hard on her. And I want to erase all my stupid bad feelings towards her but it's really difficult which brings me back to the thinking. Thinking, wondering about what caused me to dislike her. I don't know. And no, whatever you're going through or whatever's happening, Sarah did not tell me. And I admit I'm just bursting to know, but I know I musn't ask, or snoop around. Downright annoying, innit?

I wonder what will help me see Nat in a different light. No really, all this talking about you, Nat, has no intention to criticise you or harm you or whatnot. I'm just thinking, and thinking, and thinking. Is this actually called reflection?

It's quite funny how I can reflect in my blog posts but not in real, hand-in-work-reflections. Maybe I need to reflect myself and not try to force myself to.

And it's just very queer that everything I'm typing now... is just coming out. I didn't plan this on a piece of paper or anything then type it in. When I start I find something to start on and then I just work on it, I type as fast as my fingers can follow my train of thought. That's how I reflect, I guess. If that's called reflection.

Okay, sepia mood is back. Yes, the famous mood that only Cara and I have. And it makes me just want to think more and more and more. But the funny thing is, my head won't hurt like it does when I'm trying to think of a math problem or something. Maybe because I'm not forcing it to come out.

Well, I'll get back to you once I'm feeling a little more cheerful. I hope.

2006-08-24T20:57:00.000+08:00

I know I've said this a trillion times over after every new skin I make, but... I LOVE THIS SKIN. ~Sigh, I just had to say it. But it's really true! I mean, hey, I've spent more than three hours on this skin, it'd better be good, right?

Anyway I'm suddenly wondering why I didn't get even a Merit award for Synchro. I mean, yeah, okay, I'm only Star 2 in the Canadian whatsis, but Cheryl Ong is Star 1 and she got it! Harrrumph. I shall join night training next year and practise until my legs drop out. That's how tiring synchro is, really.

And I'm super truly sorry, but it looks like this is going to be a really short post. Looks.

AND VANESSA LIM I'm not relinking you. switchbladesandinfidelity.wordpress.com?! Like hello. People hate long urls. (Right?)

And I'm not really excited about the silly futuristic theme because I'm more of old-fashioned than futuristic and I'm broke. So yeah, no new outfits for me. So now I'm wondering if Maxine can supply me with something decent (I don't think Cara has anything other than black, seriously) but I'm sure I'll look just plain weird because Maxine's style is quite different from mine actually. Hehh.

Somehow I, sort of, can't wait for Saturday's ISO meeting. Which is weird really because it's WORK, but... ahh. I don't know.

And if we're not doing anything nice during P.E. tomorrow I shall sulk. I hope. Because Becky my wonderfully retarded Chinese friend will be going for a violin (why does everybody I know play the violin?! First Nic, now Becks) exam and will miss BOTH.

Yeesh, I can't wait till school ends.

And I'm feeling bummed, again, because I started learning History Chapter 1 instead of 2 when I sort of remembered that Chapter 1 came out last year already. Well actually... I DIDN'T remember. But now I do.

And please don't talk to me about the crapperific Life Science test.