It all started with a banana.

It sounds comical but it's not.

My mother was born to destroy.
She comes back from her little "afternoon party" and it turns out that Darling Alex has eaten a bloody banana already but I haven't. Notice the lack of the word "Darling" next to "I". So I say wait, after this game, I just started and she's like, "Just started? How long have you been playing already?"

Which really made something inside me just explode. Why is it that everybody just assumes I'm playing the whole day long? You think I have it easy? Doesn't it occur to you that it's just an act? Possibly?

On my way to the kitchen Darling Alex stops me and asks me to get a banana for him, too. Great, so he's happily eating two when I'm almost puking over one. And my mom's all, "Oh, Alex, good boy, took two bananas!" And in my mind all I'm thinking, "Fcuk you, stupid ass. How dense are you?"

So I'm really very incensed and I go back on the com. My dad comes home a few minutes later and he asks what I'm so broody about. I really want to tell him? But my brother's in the same room as me and I know it would be suicide to say anything against him. So I just told my dad that it was eating the banana that was ticking me off. I could actually feel something in me seething.

One day I just might snap. Do you know how it feels like to be the unpampered child? Obviously my mom just wants me to be a female replica of my freak brother, which is impossible. And I can't stand it. I rant about this sometimes, but this time I can't stand it so much I'm going to record it in this post.

And then I feel very very depressed because I couldn't tell my dad the truth and gawd, I've got a spinal check tomorrow morning. my spine is ruining my life.

I'm going to fail my exams bigtime and my mother will hate me forever and send me to the stupid Adam Khoo camp, god, she's ruining my life. I won't have a future and I'll stay back in Secondary 2. I can't stand this anymore, really I can't. I could die of this madness.

I think I'm being stupid everytime I cry like this. It doesn't make anything better and all I do is increase the risk of soaking the keyboard. After all, when i laugh the whole world laughs with me. when i cry i cry alone. Why can't I just have a normal life? A life where I can be genuinely happy?

My scissors isn't sharp enough. Rusted because of my tears? Maybe.